Well, that was probably the most effing cringeworthy, embarrassing moment in my entire life. (And I had to use Waze once, when I was tipsy walking home from a friend’s house, to get directions to my house, which was three blocks away! But this? It serves as a cautionary tale.) 

Between you and me, there are just some things I didn’t want my boyfriend to ever know about me. It’s not about keeping secrets or keeping the mystery alive in our relationship, it’s honestly because there are just some things I didn't want My Guy to know. One of those things? What I binge-watch late at night after a long day working, during my “me” time, when I'm all by myself.

So, when My Guy called recently, telling me he had decided to watch something on Amazon Prime and could see my viewing history on his television, my heart immediately sank and I wanted to die. (We spend many nights together but don’t live together. That's the way we roll!)

“Well, that’s just great. I can’t ever face you again!” was my immediate thought. That’s how cringeworthy and embarrassing my — what I thought was private — TV viewing history is. Yes, I already know what I’ve watched or had started to, thank you very much. When My Guy told me he had seen all my viewing history, it felt like a sex tape of me was circulating and my parents and all their friends and my kids’ teachers had seen it. I really was that mortified!

(And if my boyfriend happens to be reading this? Listen, babe: You were never supposed to see that. You should have stopped scrolling when you realized that it was my television history, not yours. It was private and you invaded my intellectual privacy, dude. Love ya!)

We have no idea how or why my account was suddenly tied to his. It’s fixed now. Believe me! This never would have happened if I had known. Not that it matters now. My Guy cannot unsee my viewing history. I cannot unknow that he's seen what I watch when I’m alone. For a split second, I thought maybe he was thinking, “I know we’ve been together for a long time, and I love her because she's all sorts of awesome and really the best girlfriend ever but…I’ve never seen this side of her! Should I be concerned? Do I really know her as well as I thought?”

Based on my television history, how could he, or anyone for that matter, not think I’m not as intelligent as I’d like to think (oh, those hundreds of episodes of The Real Housewives series, including New York, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, Orange County and Salt Lake), or that perhaps I’m a psychopath (oh, those dozens of episodes of Inside the World's Toughest Prisons and I Am a Killer), or that I was a secret supporter of that orange-d-faced asshat (Get Me Roger Stone, Tr**p: An American Dream), which I am most definitely not, and never was. There is, perhaps, a concerning number of documentaries on drugs and addiction (Take Your Pills, Dope, The Business of Drugs). Somewhat less embarrassing? Old documentaries on Madonna and Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift’s recent documentary, Miss Americana (which is actually really good). 

The only things perhaps more embarrassing? The history on my iPhone’s calculator — YES, I really did need a calculator to figure out 25 x 40 three times — and also the books I read on my e-reader devices and my audiobooks. Aside from e-readers and earbuds being efficient, lighter and more portable than lugging around numerous books, I mostly use them for the perk they offer: SECRECY! 

Just like I don’t want people, especially my boyfriend, to know about my guilty pleasure television binge-watching, there are times I don't want anyone to know what I’m reading, be it strangers around me at a pool, in waiting rooms or in bookstores. (I've often thought that many men would enjoy the books I’ve written, or books written by other women, if the cover designs weren’t almost all pink or too feminine or romantic-looking. Get the men in your life an e-reader so they can enjoy books without fear of judgment from their golf buddies!) 

Following the most embarrassing moment of my entire life (I told My Guy he was never to speak of my television viewing again — “What viewing history? I have no clue you’re talking about!”), I came around and thought, “F**k it! Why should I be embarrassed?” So the shows I watch and the books on my e-readers may be embarrassing. But they do get my mind off real-life problems and relax my overthinking brain, and sometimes these documentaries I watch or books I read are just so, so bad that they are just so, so good!

I’ve decided to be totally unapologetic about my own guilty pleasures in RE:BOOK’s newest, tiny weekly section, guilty-pleasuRE: tRE:asuRE, and share what I‘m “secretly” reading, watching, buying or listening to.

So what’s on my e-readers? “Bad boy” romance novels, erotica, fantasy fiction, comics, self-help books and a ton of B-list celebrity autobiographies written by ghostwriters.

These cannot be “guilty pleasures.” Why should I feel guilty if it gives me pleasure? Which they do. Case in point? I’ve just ordered a Real Housewives of New York ex-cast member’s  novel, like a second ago! If you have your own “hush hush” reads, be boldly unapologetic, and put them on my radar here. (Share, too, if you would be mortified if your partner, your spouse, the person you're dating or your BFF saw what you watched or read, when you are alone here. I can’t possibly be the only one. Right?!)

Speaking of secrets, this should not be one of them: Check out this week’s pREp talk, where I interview Deanna McFadden, publishing director at Wattpad Books. It’s a free, amazing and very modern — you’ll see why! — platform for all writers and authors, aspiring or otherwise, of all ages and walks of life, writing in every genre, who generally upload their stories or chapters one by one, allowing millions of potential readers and fans (if they want) to comment and give constructive feedback in real time as they wait until the author uploads their next chapter or story.

The Q-and-A is short and sweet and one you won't want to miss, as this knowledge may be oh-so-beneficial on your writing journey. So do not keep this a secret from writer friends or your children who love to write — a ton of teenagers write on Wattpad! — and share this with those who love reading some juicy storytelling.

I even tried starting to write my next book on Wattpad. It is super easy! And I got sucked into a rabbit hole of reading dozens upon dozens of authors’ chapters — which often make me feel as if I am reading someone’s diary. Needless to say, I’m now as obsessed with this writing platform as a fashion influencer is obsessed with Instagram!

Until next time, flip your hair and flip the page (and make sure your television accounts are not tied to anyone else's, especially those whom you do not want seeing your viewing history!). 

xo Rebecca