Me: Sorry, I can't work today. The stress is bad for the baby.

My Boss: What baby?
Me: Me

“I truly believe you can’t outrun yourself. Whether it's in the form of strained relationships, health issues, or problems at work, if you don’t address your burnout, it’s eventually going to catch up to you." 

— Professional “Burn Out Coach” Kat Lourenco 

I recently posted a “Designated Crying Zone” sign on one of my washroom doors. I try to limit episodes to 15 minutes bursts five times a day. (Please feel free to drop in if you need a good cry!)

Right now, I'm so tired I can't decide if I need a hug, three months of sleep, or a dog. I could use the mood-boosting benefits of snuggling a furry friend. Everyone I know who has a dog says they can gauge your emotional state, understand what you’re thinking and feeling and reduce stress, anxiety, and depression by encouraging playfulness and exercise.

Along with a designated crying zone, maybe I should also get a dog. I know I shouldn’t be deciding whether to continue to work 14-16 hour days or leave the country to start a new life. I know I shouldn’t think about how relaxing it would be if I were in jail right now instead.

I re:fuse to believe that achieving my dre:ams has to come at the cost of burnout…or does it? 

Are writers and creatives the original bearers of burnout?

Do you believe the five days after the weekend are the worst? Do you, too, think, “FML! I have to work again even though I just worked yesterday?” 

Unfortunately, burnout has caught up to me, and my body feels like it’s literally shutting down.

Exhaustion? Check! Insomnia? Check! Anxiety amplified? Check! Brain fog? Check! Emotionally overwhelmed? Check! 

Thus the reason for my “Designated Crying Zone” and looking into Emotional Support dogs. (I’m pleased to report that after filling out the online form, I received a letter saying, “Congratulations! You are a GOOD CANDIDATE for an Emotional Support Animal.) 

Speaking of dogs, read about the insane amount of “dogmoirs”—memoirs written by humans whose dog’s have changed their lives— in part one!)

And, yet, although I admit defeat, it’s 8:40 a.m. on a Saturday. I’ve already drank three cappuccinos, downed eight espresso shots, thought about quitting life about 18 times and googled, “How to make money without working?”

My Guy isn’t doing much better. At 8:01 this morning, he texted me (remember, it's Saturday) saying, “Just getting ready to head to the office. Aargh!”

For months, we both have been under extreme work pressure. Burnout is such a fucking inconvenience. We don't have time to be burnt out. We have shit to do!

The stress in my guy’s voice makes me want to have a margarita ASAP.

Unfortunately, I’m The Boss of me, so I report to me. And my boss (me) has told me that she sees how completely overwhelmed I am doing the job of 18 people. She knows my to-do list is growing longer than the hair on my legs, but she needs me to push through and drink no margaritas on the job — even at the expense of my physical and mental health. (You understand why I have an overwhelming urge to strangle my boss, right?)

It’s important to note that I actually love my job! It’s just that I have made myself physically ill from not enough sleep, too much stress, and running on fumes. So I had to text my doctor, asking her to send in a million prescriptions (mostly medical grade vitamins) that will hopefully make me feel human again. I also texted her that I might need a doctor’s note to get the ball rolling for an Emotional Support Dog.  

In any case, I’m thinking of cutting back my hours from working 16 hours 7 days a week to working 15 hours 6 days a week. Or take a work vacation. Apparently, I'm not alone! Service Canada is receiving 200,000 calls per day from people trying to get a passport or renew one, up from 5,000 calls before the pandemic. This shows that so many of us feel burnt out and in need of a re:set.)

Then -- poof! Just as I was about to head to my “Designated Crying Zone,” I came across Kat Lourenco’s new venture as a “Burnout Coach.”

It was like seeing a box of chocolates. I immediately started salivating.

I reached out right away. I am burnt out.

“Kat, I am so burnt out!” I admitted, hoping she couldn’t hear me on the verge of tears. “I can't keep up like this! It's unsustainable! I have been physically ill on and off for months. Is the “new normal?” To always feel burnt out?”

“I definitely think burnout is brushed off as ‘normal,’" she says. “Burnout is incredibly common, and that’s why it’s so hard to break — it feels like such a departure from what we’ve become used to and what everyone else is doing.”

“I’m here to remind you,” she continued in our first free consultation that you can book here, “being on the verge of tears every day is not normal. Feeling anxious every time you open your inbox is not normal. Feeling distracted while spending time with family and friends is not normal.”

“It just simply isn’t true that we have to keep up this pace,” she tells me. Wait! 

It doesn’t have to be this way?

“It’s not better for our job security. It’s not better for our financial security. And it’s not better for our loved ones for us to do all the things and be all the things to all people,” Kat says.

Immediately, I started to feel slightly better. Lighter. Everything sort of seemed less dire, even hopeful.

The term “burnout” was first coined in 1974 by Herbert Freudenberger in his book, Burnout: The High Cost of High Achievement.

Burnout is a reaction to prolonged or chronic job stress characterized by three main feelings: exhaustion (oh, hello!), cynicism (oh, hello!), and feelings of reduced professional ability (Oh, hello!).  

So, if you're feeling exhausted, start to hate your job, and feel less capable at work, you are showing signs of burnout.

And it may be time to reach out to Kat Lourenco, who did make me feel less frustrated and more focused -- just as she promised.

Below is more on what she does as a Burnout Coach, how she overcame her own burnout, and how she can help you re:cover. 

Beyond StRE:ssed? KatCha-Break With Kat Lourenco — Professional Burnout Coach

RE:BOOKS: What exactly is a “Burn Out” coach, and what inspire:d you to become one?

Kat Lourenco: As a ‘burnout’ coach, I work with people who are stressed out and spinning to get them back to enjoying the things they love.

I actually got into this kind of coaching by accident. Over the last decade as a project manager and strategist, I was really curious about how people do their best, most creative work. It started with helping people design schedules and systems that worked better for them, but I quickly realized there was much more to it. The issue wasn’t just time management. It went much, much deeper. 

When I wrote a post on Linkedin about my own experience with burnout, I had dozens of strangers, old colleagues, and even close friends and family messaging me saying, “Me too. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling.” So I knew at that moment, that burnout was what I needed to focus on. 

RE:BOOKS: How did you know it was time to leave your previous job? Did you dread it? Cry before bed every night? How did people react to you leaving because you were “burnt out?”

Kat Lourenco: You know what? I didn’t hate my job. I loved my co-workers, I was paid well, and the work was interesting enough. I had a bit of freedom and my workload was kind of busy but not unmanageable. 

This is what can make burnout so hard to talk about. On paper, things were pretty good. But I was constantly anxious. I felt perpetually directionless, even when I had been given specific instructions. I was resentful of everything — from a meeting invite to my partner asking me what I wanted for dinner.  

I would spin my wheels into the evenings — neither catching up on work nor relaxing. Instead, I’d take edibles to fall asleep and wake up to stay curled up in a ball in bed until 9:45am, dreading that 10 a.m. call. 

The feeling was familiar. I had a habit of taking on too much, and I’d felt this way, on and off, for years. 

But then, last year, I lost my dad to glioblastoma — an aggressive type of brain cancer. He was diagnosed on his retirement day. Literally. He missed his going away party to go to the hospital for scans. That was a reminder to me that I needed to reassess how I was working and make some moves. 

To my relief, my whole team was really supportive. We talked openly about our shared experiences with stress and exhaustion over the past few years. And we celebrated — my last week was a blur of good luck emails, goodbye coffees, and even an impromptu ‘retirement’ party. 

RE:BOOKS: In your opinion, why is everyone so burnt out these days — I can’t think of one person I know who isn’t feeling this way! 

Kat Lourenco: The last two years have really brought burnout into the spotlight, but this was happening long before the pandemic. I think we’re just talking about it much more openly now.

Burnout isn’t just about stress. We’re built to handle some stress. It’s when we don’t have a reprieve, or a way to reboot our system, that we start to get into chronic stress and eventually burnout territory. 

 The good news/bad news is that removing the stressor isn’t a complete fix for burnout. You also have to engage in the things that bring your mind and body back into rest and reset mode. 

Here’s what the research shows and what I’ve seen in my own life and with my clients: Burnout isn’t about too much stress. It’s about not enough purpose, connection, rest and renewal. 

So, you don’t necessarily have to quit working or escape your life to recover from burnout. But you definitely have to commit to the healthy behaviours that will bring you back to that grounded state.

With the pandemic, we’ve been taken out of our routines. We’ve been disconnected from many of our social ties. As a result, we’re unsure of what the future holds, maybe feeling directionless. And we haven’t had access to many things that fill our tank — regular exercise, sound sleep, plans with friends and family, and travel. 

Getting back to those things is really important to our collective recovery. 

RE:BOOKS: What are some of the symptoms of burnout t that you’ve seen? How do we know if we are having a bad day or are just totally burnt out?

Kat Lourenco: Burnout is beyond just stress. It’s more than just stress if…

• You’re resentful of the people around you, expectations put on you, or questions asked of you — even when they’re totally reasonable.

• You feel indifferent towards things that you know logically you should be excited about: a new project, more responsibility, or accomplishing something you’ve been working towards.

• You purposely don’t engage with family and friends because you’re too exhausted to take on anyone else’s opinions or emotions.

• You feel overwhelmed and can’t articulate what the problem is or what you need to solve it.

• You’re having trouble focusing or sleeping because your thoughts are spinning.

• You find yourself in tears, or wishing you had an escape from your day.

• You’re having physical reactions like stomach aches, digestion issues, rashes, numbness or chest pain. 

If you’re experiencing burnout, you already know how all this negatively affects your relationships, performance at work, health, and happiness.

I say this to many of my clients: You can’t outrun yourself. So maybe you treat the symptoms with a vacation or a stress leave. Maybe you double down, thinking it’ll get better when this project ends, when you get a new job, or when your kids go to school. But if you don’t address the underlying issues — the beliefs, habits, and blind spots keeping you from connection, purpose, and rest and renewal — you’ll continue the burnout cycle. 

RE:BOOKS: How does your process work when someone hires you? Is the goal to make them not feel burnt out? Or figure out if they should leave their jobs? Or both?

Kat Lourenco: My coaching process is less about ‘Should I quit my job?’, or ‘How can I work less?’, and more about recognizing where the disconnect is and figuring out how to get you to something sustainable — a life you don’t want or need to escape from.  

I walk you through creating a personal playbook for cultivating the things in your life that keep you from burning out: purpose, connection, rest and renewal. It’s a unique-to-you toolkit for recovering from burnout and preventing it in the future. 

Once we have that plan, it’s all about testing it out in the real world. For some people, it’s redesigning what their workdays look like. For others, it’s building more trust and collaboration with those around them. Some people just need “permission” to turn off and have a workout for an hour. Others decide to forge a new career path. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. It’s not about a one-time fix. It’s about creating a foundation you can lean on to maximize the good times and manage the tough times. 

When people ask me what a coaching session is like, I often compare it to catching up with an old friend over coffee. It’s a space for you to be yourself and say what you’re actually thinking. We laugh a lot. I’m not here to tell you what you should do but to support you in figuring out what you can do and want to do.

Typically, I work with clients for 3-6 months, meeting a few times a month. 

RE:BOOKS: How is speaking to a burnout coach different from seeing a therapist?

Kat Lourenco: A therapist will work with you to resolve past trauma. As a coach, I’m working with you to create a plan for the future. We’re working together to define the problem and take action to make a change.

I’m coming to our conversations with the lens of a business strategist, entrepreneur and former team leader, rather than as a psychologist or psychiatrist. 

Neither approach is better — it depends on what you’re looking for. And many people get the best of both worlds and talk to both a coach and a therapist.

RE:BOOKS: What steps did you take to not feel “burnt out?” Do you think one can LEARN NOT to feel burnt out? Is this about learning the skills not to feel this way?

Kat Lourenco: More than learning skills, recovery from burnout is about practicing supportive habits. Those habits look a little different for everyone, but ultimately they’re about reinforcing connection, purpose and ongoing rest and renewal.

I knew something wasn’t working for me, but I didn’t know what I needed to change. So my recovery actually started by working with a coach to dig into what kinds of connections gave me energy, what activities felt purposeful, and what boundaries and routines I needed to build. For me, it looked like:

• Getting back to some things I loved, just for me. Reading fiction (I put like 20 fiction recos from my favourite authors and bloggers on hold at the library, and worked my way through them). Taking the dog to the beach. Non-negotiable IRL pilates class once a week. 

• Limiting my conversations with friends and coworkers who treated me like a customer complaint box for their every annoyance. And making sure I connected with people I felt like I could be real with. 

• Allowing myself to get curious about an interest I had had for a long time: Coaching. Long before I left my job, I started to feel myself ‘coming back online’ by applying what I was learning to my current projects. 

RE:BOOKS: In reality, many people have no choice but to work. They are entrepreneurs, plus they have family, kids, spouses and friends pulling them in all directions! Is it possible to NOT be burnt out? Do you have an example of someone who “conquered” burnout? Please share!

Kat Lourenco: I think this is a common misconception! People will hear me talk about quitting my job and assume that they have to quit their current life to beat burnout. However, recovering from burnout does not have to mean giving up a paycheque or time with your loved ones or vowing to live a completely stress-free life.

We have responsibilities in our lives, and we can’t just do whatever we want. But we also have much more control than we think we do.

When I see people overcoming burnout, it’s less about going off and doing their own thing and more about recognizing what they need and aligning their work, relationships, and choices with that.

From the outside, their days might not seem to change that much. I know my days look pretty much the same on paper! But the sense of purpose, the opportunity for meaningful connection, and the routine of rest and renewal mean the difference between days constantly draining you and days filling your tank.

RE:BOOKS: For those that feel burnt out, where or what can we start doing?

Kat Lourenco: I know that trying to rest can feel impossible when you’re feeling stressed out. So don’t just try to rest. Instead, focus on things that fill your tank and bring you joy. Start small if you have to.

• If your instinct is to catch up on work, find another way to feel purposeful. 

• If your instinct is to pull away from others, connect with someone.

• If your instinct is to do more for everyone around you, do something just for you. 

And remember that you don’t have to figure it out alone. Find a coach, a therapist or a trusted friend who can help you figure out your next step.

RE:BOOKS: Should people tell their bosses they feel burnt out? What if they fear of losing their jobs? Or are the boss themselves (like me)?

Kat Lourenco: I can’t decide what is or isn’t right for you, but I can tell you this: Whether someone responds positively or negatively, you gain some important information about whether there’s an opportunity to change things.

If telling someone that you’re suffering from burnout feels uncomfortable, you can gather that same information through small experiments instead. Try setting small boundaries or asking more questions about priorities and timelines.

Sometimes we realize that the pressure of urgency, or to handle everything on our own, is our expectation. And sometimes, we get resistance. Either way, you’ll start to see if and when you have some control.  

RE:BOOKS: Finally, since this is a book-themed newsletter, writers would maybe call burnout “writer's block”. But perhaps they are just burnt out, which leads to writer's block.

Kat Lourenco: Yeah! I think writers and creatives are the original bearers of burnout. Remember, burnout is not about too much — it’s not enough of something. In the case of writer’s block, it’s not enough ideas in the tank or connection to the work.

And the path back to creativity, for me anyway, is the same: connect with others, find your purpose, and refill the tank with rest and joy in equal measure. 

RE:BOOKS: Where can we reach you (website/insta/LinkedIn) and if you have any books you’d recommend on this topic of burnout, what are they?

Kat Lourenco: If you’re curious about burnout, you can follow me on Linkedin and Instagram or check out some of my favourite books on the topic:

• Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

• Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown (particularly the section on stress and overwhelm)

And if you’re feeling burnt out (or think you might be), you can book a free coaching session with me at katlourenco.com.

RE:BOOKS: I’ve already booked my next session! 

Until next time, flip your hair, and flip the page (And we all know “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts!”),

xoxo Rebecca