"I don’t give books as gifts. Books are extremely personal and I would hate to give someone a book that they didn't like or want, because it would break my heart if they didn't read it.” — Meg Cabot

Did you know that Indigo sells vibrators and lubricants? Well, we’ll get to that! But first…

Oy! I’m seriously feeling terribly regretful right now over something I did years ago, which may have breached serious etiquette rules that may be a worse offence than putting my elbows on the table or eating with my mouth open like a barnyard animal. 

I knew — I knew! — I should have followed my gut. Instead, I bought books.

One year, I bought all of my daughter’s teachers and tutors (totalling about one thousand) a copy of Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I loved it, and I thought they would appreciate this exceptional literary and triumphant memoir too. I found it such a powerful and unforgettable read. 

In previous years, whenever I did go with my gut, I would buy a dozen bottles of wine to hand out to her educators. Let’s be honest. If you were a teacher, wouldn’t you rather get a bottle of wine than a book? (Also, women should follow their gut, which is usually right, am I right?)

I had no clue that there was so much debate over someone giving a book as a present, or that people actually question what it means when someone gives you a book.

I was always under the impression that books made great gifts for any occasion. Now, leading up to the holidays, I’m second guessing myself! I may have been wrong to buy books for any holiday or special occasion. Well, you learn something new every day.

Books have a whole world inside of them for people to escape to (especially for those who want to avoid the winter), including the most magical of places. Books can also educate and expose readers to new ideas. Not that I have to convince you of any of this.

And it's much cheaper to buy somebody a book than it is to buy them, well, a plane ticket to escape to (or a really good bottle of wine.) Also, they’re easier to wrap than, let's say, a vase, or a puppy. And unlike other wrapped gifts, you can open a book over and over again — literally, which I think is pretty awesome. Plus, books don't break, and nobody gets hurt — at least physically (unless you hate the ending and throw it against the wall, and it ricochets back to your face. Or if you’re a major klutz and you trip on one. Or, maybe, the odd paper cut?). 

But it turns out giving books as gifts is a bit more complicated than all that. Who knew there was a certain etiquette to abide by? (I do now, even though I had never thought about this before. Like, ever. And now it’s all I can think about.)

Why? First, you can’t be sure they haven’t already read them, and you won’t get any points for originality.

How can a book really offend someone, though? Unless it's a book on dieting. But even then, wouldn't you get more offended if someone bought you a pair of jeans that were two sizes too small? (I’m actually not too sure about this one.)

Now that I’ve spent an entire three days thinking about this, I’ve come to the conclusion that a book can make a great gift…or a terrible one. Reading habits are personal, so if you’re giving the gift of a book, you may be inviting the giftee into a world that means a lot to you, but may mean nothing to them.

 

I had always thought buying books for people made them happy. Sharing a book you loved as a gift, for me, was a way of saying, “I think this will make you happy, too!” 

But giving books could also be perceived as impersonal, which now has my mind spiralling. What if they never read it? (The horror!)

Books, according to my research, are the ultimate re:gift gift. (And who hasn’t re-gifted at some point, let’s be honest!) Unless, of course, it ends up gathering dust on your friend’s or great aunt’s shelf. 

Then again, why should I be insulted? I don’t really care — although it seems I'm supposed to — if someone decides to read a book I gave them or not. It's not like I follow up, afterwards, asking for a book report.

While researching this timely topic, a rare-book seller who I read about in an interview said he has two rules when it comes to buying books as presents. 

“The first is: always save the receipt!”  The reason being, I learned, is that if you think a certain book is a perfect present for someone, there is a possibility that the same gift idea occurred to someone else. 

So, if the person you bought the book for already got three copies, of course they are going to regift them or return them. I would. Not going to lie! Maybe all of my daughter's teachers that year received multiple copies of Wild.

The second rule: “Never write an inscription in a book, unless you’ve written the book yourself.” 

I’m sorry. Wait. What? Does this mean that I, then, should be giving only the books I’ve personally written as gifts? I mean, it’s not the worst idea, from a promotional standpoint. (I wrote about my secret ways to self-promote here!) 

The rare-book seller goes on to suggest that "people restrict their sentiment to an enclosed card” — pretty much saying that you’re basically defacing the book if you write inside. It’s not like I'm graffitiing a wall, is it? Was I a monster for inscribing all those Wild books by saying how “inspiring you are to my daughter, so I hope you find inspiration in this book?”

Another etiquette expert said that giving books as gifts could backfire because “at best, you’re signalling your own taste, and at worst imposing it.” (Am I allowed to ask at this point: Should there really be so much thought into giving a book as a present?)

Good etiquette, apparently, is to choose for the recipient rather than what you think your friend or kid’s teacher, or whomever else you buy holiday gifts for, should read. Which leads me to admit that I really don’t know my kid’s teachers, or friends, all that well. It’s not like there's time to have a book club meeting at 8:20 a.m at drop off, when I can barely speak, let alone discuss books!

So, I'm left even more confused. Because all of the above being said, you could make a book more personal by adding an inscription conveying your thoughts and feelings, which could turn the book into a “meaningful” present, sort of like a memorable souvenir — the opposite of “I taught your kid math and all I got was this lousy book?” (which I will delve into momentarily).

Others have also put a lot of thought into giving books as gifts, going so far as to ask what it means when you get a book as a gift, and believing that books make fab gifts, both as a gift-giver or a gift-receiver: 

If someone is kind enough to invite you into their world of books, it means something, whether they agree with your choice or not. Our interests and our passions are part of what makes us happy. So, to give a book to someone, or to receive a book from someone, shows that you care about their world and, therefore, find validity in such a gift.

To make certain that you aren’t making a gift etiquette mistake, some people like to write a special or personalized message in the inside of a book. Other etiquette experts say they prefer to enclose a card.

Here are some ideas to include in a card or as a written dedication in a book:

• The date and who it’s from

• An explanation on why you chose the specific book as a gift 

• What you loved about the book

• Your favourite quote from the book

(And warning to those who get books but don't ever read them: Make sure it hasn’t already been dedicated to you before you re-gift it!)

If you have writer’s block when it comes to writing a personal note or dedication, here are some prompts:

• “I got you something. I hope you like it.” 

• “Here’s a little present for you.

• “It’s something small, but I hope you enjoy it.” 

Personally, I like to go with something simple and to the point, like: “Enjoy! XO — Rebecca” 

Because let's say I bought a cookbook for my mother. It would be overkill and a complete lie to inscribe something like, “Love our family meals together, so I bought you this cookbook. I look forward to cooking new recipes with you.”  She would read it and immediately take me to the doctor…since I'm allergic to measuring cups, or anything domestic for that matter.

I don't always love our family meals together. In fact, I often storm out if someone pisses me off, which I wrote about here. (Wait. Your family doesn’t annoy you?) Plus, I could think of a million things I’d rather do than to cook anything, like cutting my toenails, going for a root canal, or filing taxes. I could inscribe a cookbook gift like, “Hey Mom! You like to cook. I can follow a recipe as well as a map. But I look forward to YOU trying these recipes and I also look forward to YOU dropping them off at my house. Enjoy! XO — Rebecca”

I mean, can you imagine getting a self-help book with a handwritten card that says, “I saw this book and immediately thought of you. Enjoy!” EEK!

Or buying a teacher a book and writing a card that says, “Since you demand I read to my kid for 30 minutes a day, I thought I’d give you a copy of one of my favourite classics to read for 30 minutes after school each day. It’s almost 400 pages. Enjoy!”

Yeah, including a truthful message can really make the gift of giving a book over the top. 

Which is why this year, I’m sticking to my gut and buying teachers gift cards to the LCBO. 

I mean, I don’t want to be known as THAT parent, or THAT friend, who god forbid buys a book as a present. I mean, because of etiquette and all. 

I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on this here. Cool to buy books or not so cool? And feel free to share what books you think would make great gifts!

Check out part two for our first “RE:BOOKS’ Naughty or Nice gift guide for book lovers (who don’t want books!)” And yes, Indigo does indeed sell vibrators.

Until next time, flip your hair and flip the page! (With your elbows off the table, of course.)