“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you."

— Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing.

Recently, I had a long, much-needed catch-up with Marci Warhaft, the author of The Good Stripper: A Soccer Mom's Memoir of Lies, Loss, and Lapdances.

I think I may have helped her come out as a lesbian. Which, of course, we’ll get into.

Marci ran her second book idea by me (which I loved, so if you’re going to be a copycat, as you’ll read about here, buy her first memoir!)

I don’t remember how I met Marci, but her personality and smile are unforgettable. (Check out her dancing here!) In my defence, I do have a tendency to get out of the shower and dry off, only to realize I had forgotten to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. So…

I do, however, remember the first time an author has ever thanked me in their book’s acknowledgements — the page I always immediately flip to before I start reading. 

(Tip for aspiring authors: Copy me!  The acknowledgements page is where authors thank their editors, agents, cover designers, proofreaders, publicists, and the publishing house — basically, everyone who worked on their book, supported them, or inspired them in some way. So, reading the acknowledgements page(s) of a book you love is a gre:at place to grab names of publishing peeps you may want to reach out to ask for a friend request! Oh, I also always try to decipher the dedication page. Sometimes it's the names authors leave out that speak volumes.)  

“Thank you, Rebecca Eckler, for taking the time to encourage my dreams and help make it happen,” Marci wrote. 

I try to remind myself, “Re:member this feeling, Eckler. Your first professional thank-you for helping work on a book that is now published. Celebrate this!” (Moving forward, you’ll see the author’s name front and centre on book covers published by re:books’ publishing house.) 

And, yes, I celebrated Marci’s success by treating myself to…something completely out of my budget. Also, in my defence, like most women, I do not usually pause and celebrate my successes. What the fuck is wrong with us-females?)

I will not say what or how much I worked on Marci's memoir, The Good Stripper. Even Marci, to be completely transparent, doesn't know to this day. (And I’d rather share a toothbrush with a perfect stranger than admit to anything — except to say I was lucky enough to play, shall we say, numerous roles.)

Of course, we got to bitching and moaning talking about why publishing needs a makeover her next title and topic. And just like in her acknowledgements, she thanked me “for taking the time to encourage my dreams and help make it happen.” I basically yelled at her “start f**king writing!” How’s THAT for encouragement?

She also spoke about all the things she hadn’t expected as a first-time author, who had zero publishing experience, and since I will take credit for her newfound lesbianism. (Or is it Straight With a Twist? Let’s see who else will steal copy this title!)  

So, I asked her to write about these experiences as a debut author and, as she says, “the reality of ruining your own reputation” after The Good Stripper came out was re:leased. Over to you, Marci!

Baring it all: The reality of ruining your own reputation

by Marci Warhaft

“Writing my book was a lot less daunting than publishing it.”

—Marci Warhaft author of the memoir The Good Stripper

“Write a book,” they said.

“You’ll help so many people,” they said.

I had ignored this advice from friends and family for years until I found myself on the brink of turning 50 years old, feeling feistier than ever and just crazy enough to actually do it. Deciding to put my story on paper was as intimidating as it was exciting. 

The writing process had its share of challenges. Some of those challenges were expected; for example, where do I start? Do I share things chronologically? How long should it be? Luckily, those questions could be easily answered by asking someone who’d done it, or with the help of a few google searches. There were, however, a few challenges that I wasn’t ready for.

As it turns out, writing my book was a lot less daunting than publishing it. Don’t get me wrong, finding out that a respected publisher believed in my story enough to offer me a book deal was an absolute dream come true (my hands didn’t stop shaking for at least two hours after I got the news). But there is a surreal feeling that comes with the realization that people are going to be reading about you and ultimately, judging you, that you can’t be fully prepared for. 

This was particularly true in my case, since my book was a brutally honest memoir filled with sex, crime, death, relationships, betrayal, stripping and a little more sex. As soon as I made the decision to share my story, I promised myself that I would be completely transparent. Since a major theme of my story is the empowerment that comes from releasing shame, I knew that by omitting certain experiences, I’d be allowing them to continue to control me, and I was done being afraid.

That said, I understood the risk that was involved.

Publishing my story meant that I would be exposing the secrets I had kept fiercely guarded for decades. I was fully aware that my reputation as having been a devoted wife, doting mother and respected children’s self-esteem advocate could be shattered. I thought I was ready, but I was only partially right.

1. You might come out as a lesbian!

You probably won’t, but I did. To be fair, writing my book didn’t magically alter my sexuality, but it did empower me with the confidence and courage I had been lacking to acknowledge certain parts of myself. It wasn’t until after I exposed the secrets I had been keeping from others, that I discovered the biggest secret was the one I was keeping from myself. With more years behind me than ahead of me, I am determined to spend whatever time I have left being 100% authentically me. Keep this in mind, despite the number of people who think about writing books, very few people actually do it. If you’re able to see your goal through to the end, the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it is life changing. Be prepared to feel braver and more capable of taking on new challenges. You might be surprised at where you end up.

2. Part of being a good writer is thinking you’re a lousy one.

I can’t tell you how many times during the writing process I stopped and thought, “I can’t do this.” All I kept thinking was that my story wasn’t interesting enough and nobody was going to care. Fortunately, whenever this would happen, a friend would encourage me to continue. As it turned out, people did care. They cared so much that I’ve gotten a ton of messages asking me to write a follow-up! I remember a conversation I had with my friend, author Rebecca Eckler, on a day when I was being especially hard on myself. After listening to me whine about not being a good enough writer, she laughed and said, “You think you suck? Congratulations, you’re a writer!” Learning that self-doubt was simply par for the course was a huge relief. So, if you’re feeling a little discouraged and questioning whether or not to keep going, congratulations, you’re a writer. Now write!

3. Don’t quit your day job.

In the interest of full disclosure, I did, in fact, quit mine, but being practical has never been my strong suit. The reality is that while it’s possible to strike it rich off your first

novel, it’s certainly not a given. I’ve heard first books described as fancy business cards that earn you credibility but not a ton of money. Write your book because the thought of reaching the end of your life without having written it, is unbearable. Write because you believe your story needs to be told. Write because you can’t stop thinking about writing. Will writing your book make you a millionaire? Perhaps. But I’d wait a bit before buying that vacation home in Tuscany.

4. They’ll know a lot more about you than you will about them.

Whenever I get a message from someone letting me know they’ve ordered my book, my first reaction is always, “Great! They bought my book!” followed quickly by, “Holy crap, they’re going to read it!” Inviting people into our lives the way we do when we write books, is an act of extreme vulnerability. In some situations, the thought of strangers learning so much about us, is daunting. In other situations, we are more concerned with the reactions of friends, family and co-workers. Once our words leave our laptops and land in people’s hands, it can feel a bit like being stripped naked in public. As someone who’s published a book and stripped naked in public, I can tell you that nobody’s opinion of you is more important than your own. You’re an author, and that’s pretty damn impressive.

5. People will surprise you.

I was expecting some backlash when my book came out. I was expecting to be judged and possibly shunned by people who had been completely unaware of my past indiscretions, but I was wrong. Instead of turning away, people reached out to share the parts of my story that most resonated with them. In opening myself up the way I did, others realized they weren’t alone. I continue to get messages at all hours of the day, from all over the world from people just wanting to connect. Our stories are powerful. If you have a story to tell, please tell it. You never know who you may be helping when you do. (The lesbian part isn’t guaranteed, but it’s definitely a bonus.)

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Now that you know what to be pRE:pared for, why not enter the re:books #WriteAwaySummer Contest here! The winner gets a publishing contract from re:books. Deadline: Sept 1, 2022.