WTF? Yup, fictional crushes are a thing
“I’m able to separate fiction and reality. I guess it remains to be seen if other people are.”
— Curtis Sittenfeld, bestselling author of Prep, The Man of My Dreams, American Wife, Sisterland, Eligible, and Rodham
Warning: A tremendous sense of humour is required.
Have you ever fallen in love with someone who will never love you back? How about someone who will never call you, or talk back to you, for that matter?
Do you remember the plasticine character Gumby who “could walk into any book like his pony pal Pokey”?
Why do I ask, you ask? I’m delving into weird and wacky phenomena of fictosexuals — people who fall in love with a totally imagined fictional character.
Just when I thought nothing could ever surprise me anymore, I found myself reading about fictosexuality, an umbrella term for anyone who experiences sexual attraction, love, or infatuation towards one or more fictional characters, a specific type of fictional characters (like vampires or cartoons), or whose sexuality is influenced by fictional characters.
If the “person” you are madly in love with is copyrighted — not real — and they will never love you back (or rub your back), you can identify as a fictosexual.
Reality is no stranger to fiction — and they are in a relationship. I can’t make this shit up!
Fictosexuality, described as “an asexual identity for someone who mostly is attracted to fictional characters,” can also go beyond gender too.
A surprising number — tens of thousands, apparently — have found love in fictional characters. Apparently, it’s “common” to develop a deep crush on fictional characters.
One can't help wonder, though…is this freaky? A fetish? Fascinating? Funny? Or all of the above? Should I be getting my kink on?
Frankly, I’m still processing fictosexuals. They even have their own flag!
The fictosexual flag: “The black and grey stripes represent the lack of attraction towards non-fictional individuals; the purple stripe represents sexual attraction and the asexual spectrum; the black circle represents a "portal" to the fictional world in question, and the pink represents attraction to fictional characters.” — Sexuality Wiki
Bluntly speaking, fictosexuals “can’t get it up” for humans, or “can’t raise their flag pole.” Sorry, it begged for a joke — something comedy writers understand. (Don’t forget to check out my exclusive interview with a Canada’s Got Talent finalist, comedian Courtney Gilmour, who was born without hands and one leg.)
It’s important to note that fictosexuals — from what I’ve read — do realize their character crushes are born out of an author’s imagination and are unattainable. They do recognize a fictional character will never love them, like ever.
My curiosity, which really may kill me, as you can read here, has so many pressing questions, like what do fictosexuals say when asked, “Why are you still single?”
Do they respond, “I’m not single. I’m in a monogamous committed relationship with Chad. He doesn’t exist, but oh, how romantic Chad is on page 58!” Do they answer nervously, like they are coming out of the bookshelf closet? “I have something to tell you. This is hard to admit. I’m…I’m…I’m fictosexual.”
I can literally imagine people slowly backing away, eyeing the emergency exits, if a convo at a networking event went something like:
Person: So, what’s new?
Me: I finally found the man I want to marry last night!
Person: What? Where? Tell me everything!
Me: I found him in a novel, on page 28, in the middle of chapter four! I’ve never felt so connected, to, well, anyone… This is true love!
Obvs, there are benefits to being in a “relationship” with an imagined character; no stealing the duvet, no air conditioning or temperature wars, and an imaginary character will never mansplain interrupt or dismiss your worries with condescending eye rolls.
But the best of it? Fictosexuals always get the last word.
Okay, let’s be re:al. This is weird. But weird isn’t necessarily a bad thing…or so I keep reminding myself.
Plus, writers and editors work ridiculously hard to make their characters believable. Readers are privy to inner thoughts and secrets, secrets you know will remain secrets.
Characters that readers can connect to is the underpinning of any good story. If you have a genuine emotional response to the inhabitants in a novel, it could be argued that the author has done their job brilliantly! Should writers get kudos for making their characters so believable…and available for a relationship with fictosexuals?
“This is 2022. We’ve all had a rough few years. Making strangers feel bad about enjoying things that you don’t fully understand is cruel and unnecessary and you should really think twice before doing anything of the sort,” said one feisty fictosexual. Agreed. But…
It’s still f**king odd peculiar. And also confusing AF!
Fictosexuality is an umbrella term for anyone who experiences romantic attraction towards any kind of fictional character. Keep scrolling to see the absurd glossary!
Fictosexuals may experience attraction to certain genders in fiction, but they don’t always experience attraction to the same gender in the real world.
Also, fictosexuality is not a fetish. It would only be considered a fetish if it meant being romantically attracted ONLY to fictional characters. Fictosexuals, however, are capable of multiple co-existing attractions and identities.
Have I still got you intrigued? Take a look at this glossary of fictosexual terms:
THE INCOMPLETE* FREAKY FICTOSEXUAL GLOSSARY
• Cartosexua: attraction to cartoon/comic characters.
• Booklosexual: attraction to novel/visual novel characters.
• Visualnovelsexual: attraction to visual novel characters.
• Gamosexual: attraction to video game characters.
• Imagisexual: attraction to fictional characters one can never see (characters, podcast characters, etc.)
• Inreasexual: attraction to live-action TV show/movie characters.
• OCsexual: attraction to original characters.
• Teratosexual: attraction to monster-related characters.
• Tobusexual: attraction to vampire-related characters.
• Spectrosexual: attraction to ghost-related characters.
*Some are just too freaky to include.
Fictiosexuality is not a new thing. It was present as early as the 18th century, but has sparked debate within today's modern LGBTQIA+ community.
I understand the reasoning behind labels. I also understand why many don’t want to be labeled. This longer acronym isn’t accepted by the entire community.
The Sexuality Fandom describes fictosexuals not as an orientation but a label “to better express their experience with attraction.”
Imagine your dating profile: “I love dogs, walks on the beach, sunsets. I’m Inreasexual, so I’m also attracted to live action movie characters.”
If I were on magic mushrooms and agreed to go out with an inreasexual, well, I wouldn’t suggest going to a movie — especially a Marvel movie — on the first date, that's for fucking sure! (Do you really want to compete with Wonder Woman?)
In Fictosexuality Is Now a Thing: Real People Are Falling in Love With Fictional Characters, researcher Agnès Giard says, “To the general public, it seems indeed foolish to spend money, time and energy on someone who is not even alive. But for character lovers, this practice is seen as essential. It makes them feel alive, happy, useful and part of a movement…”
Akihiko Kondo went viral after marrying a made-up pop singer named Hatsune Miku in Japan, in 2018, in an “unofficial” wedding. Mr. Kondo credits his fictional character for pulling him out of depression and providing him inspiration and solace.
Dr. Giard’s says she finds that “women see fictional marriages as empowering and “a way to challenge gender, matrimonial and social norms.” Ponder that!
Kondo never wanted a human partner. He has been vocal about his point of view in the hopes of raising awareness of fictosexuals in the media. “It’s about respecting other people’s lifestyles,” he said, explaining that he always felt “an intense — and, even to himself, inexplicable — attraction to fictional characters.”
“When we’re together, she makes me smile,” Kondo said. “In that sense, she’s real.” (For more smiles, a reminder to check out our Q&A with Canada’s Got Talent finalist and comedian Courtney Gilmour here!)
According to online comment boards, society is divided on this “movement.”
“For goodness sake, what is wrong with these people?” wrote one.
“I bet there's a lot of men who wish their wives had an off switch,” commented another. (We feel the same, dude, trust me!)
And my personal fav? “Has someone given me some crack on the sly or something? Is this real life?”
Others argue, “As strange as it is, and yes it's very strange, at least Kondo isn't hurting anyone, breaking someone's heart, cheating or all the other bad things people do in relationships…” before comparing fictosexuals to people totally devoted to a sports team (sorry #LeafFans!) or celebrities.
“I enjoy my fictosexual crushes because the love is as real as I want it to be. Fictosexual crushes contain all the fun of a real crush and none of the pain,” explained one. “Then again, some fictosexuals might be sad over the fact they will never be able to physically hold their crush… Stuffies and merchandise are the closest many of us will ever get.”
When pressed about fictosexuals, another feisty fictosexual retorted, “You’re honestly telling me that you have never had a crush on someone who isn’t real?”
(Actually, as I suspect for many, I have not. But go on!)
And think of all those forms! What if your gyno asks about birth control usage? Do fictosexuals answer, “No worries, doc, not attracted to humans!”
I consider myself an ally in the acronym that has expanded so much, it makes me feel the need to put on very loose draw-string sweatpants, just like after a very heavy meal. Although, admittedly, I was under the impression the “A” stood for “ally” which, all jokes aside, I am.
But then someone told me the “A” stands for asexual. Another said “A” stands for agender. Another told me “A” stands for androgynous. And I just heard the term “allosexual” — when did that word pop up? Six days ago? Six years ago? Six minutes ago? — which describes someone who feels sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of sexual orientation. (The only people who aren't allosexual are those who identify as asexual.)
So, after being a proud “A” my entire life, I may have led people to believe I identify as asexual, agender, androgynous and now, allosexual. AMEN!
As fictosexually may become gradually more weird mainstream, the question remains…
WHAT’S THE REASON? (or WTF?)
After extensive scientific research into this absorbing wacky phenomenon, researchers found that, first, we create our ideal fantasy. It's easy to fall in love if you are building that persona yourself.
Second? Fictosexuals don't have to deal with people and the myriad of things that annoy us about imperfect humans. (Ugh! People.)
Someone even asked WikiHow How to Cope With Being in Love With a Fictional Character.
“Remember the character isn’t real. In the end, you fell for a character, someone who does not exist,” they advise, encouraging fictosexuals to “make sure that is clear in your mind, even if it means stating it over and over again.”
Another is to look for character flaws. If they don’t have any, well, that in itself is a flaw, isn’t it?
Finally? “… cut yourself off with the help of your friends.” (If you can ghost someone in real life, how hard could it be to ghost, or block, someone who never existed in the first place?)
If this still sounds like one of the oddest thing your’ve ever read, again, talk to feisty fictosexuals!
“Oh, please,” said one. “Ask yourself what’s better: a real-life partner, with all their imperfections and flaws, or a perfect empty vessel that you can fill with all your most idealistic desires?”
Fictosexual and all its umbrella terms may be new to most of us, but the kink is ancient. “If something makes people happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, then nobody has any right to butt in with their stupid opinion,” commented one fictosexual.
So, I won’t!
But should we add an F to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?
Until next time, flip your hair and flip the page!
xoxo,
Rebecca