For RE:al? 27 sanctimonious, judgemental, slut-shaming comments I’ve received
"Are you single? Because if you have a husband, he should leave you. You’re pathetic. I wonder how your husband feels about you having toys to pleasure yourself when he's away. You disgusting whore!”
— a commenter of my book The Mommy Mob
And how’s your day going? I mean, did you wake up this morning to see a comment like the above? I did one day. And not that long ago.
Do you ever wonder what turns courteous, considerate, civil, and well-mannered people in the real world into maniacal, nasty, ferocious hate-spewing trolls banshees online?
Nowadays, if folks don’t agree with another person, what could otherwise be a calm discussion turns swiftly into an all-out war on social media platforms.
I’ve always been sort of continually shocked fascinated at the level of meanness and judgement people have the audacity to put front and centre online.
Someone once wrote, “My favourite part of Rebecca’s articles are the comments!!” (They meant “is,” but what d’you expect from these people?)
It does NOT matter how much you try to explain why you did what you did, or why you think what you think. Others will still think you suck.
For years my entire career I’ve been attacked by others with vitriolic, vicious and outrageous comments, calling me out as a “whore,” “cunt,” “douche,” “trainwreck,” “conceited bitch” “slut”… (You get the picture, and you’ll get 27 more insults below!)
Did you SEE the comment at the very top of this post: “Are you single?” Because if you have a husband, he should leave you. You’re pathetic. I wonder how your husband feels about you having toys to pleasure yourself when he's away. You disgusting whore!”
(I think it’s fair to assume this person is a pro-life supporter of that orange-faced asshat former president whose name I refuse to type in full.)
All this deplorable hated has become the norm. So much so that I could have taken all these comments and turned them into an entire book!
Oh, right! I did.
I was reminded of that memoir — I do tend to forget the books I’ve written, and never read the final published editions (I’ll save that for another time) — as I was attempting to clear out my inbox which, not kidding, has more than 110k unread messages.
Still, I found this old email from a publisher:
“Great news, Rebecca,” began the publisher of my memoir The Mommy Mob about the world of outrageous bloggers. “You won a gold medal at the Independent Publisher Book Awards. We will be tweeting like crazy this week to celebrate. This is a big competition — with 6,000 books entered by authors and publishers worldwide. The awards ceremony is in New York on May 27.”
And, at the same time, I was — rather, still am — processing the overturning of Roe v Wade, which basically took away the biggest right for a woman: to do whatever she wants with her body.
Since the majority of the nasty slut-shaming comments are from AMERICAN female readers, I’m going to share 27 of the most uncalled for vicious and egregious ones I’ve received.
Women? Please lift each other up. (And, go fucking VOTE!)
I once thought these comments were hilarious because I have never met these people. They’re so nuts, they’re nearly maniacal.
But…
After re-reading some of them in the climate we’re in right now, and after what we just witnessed in the so-called justice system, they read differently to me. They show how women truly feel about other women. What their “place” is in society.
So, if women think this way about other women, how do you think men think of us?
Do you think the below comments demonstrate just how many American women judge and slut-shame other women, purely based on conversational and fairly trivial issues expressed in articles or blogs I've written? Well, scroll back after you read them and let me know your thoughts here.
27 sanctimonious, judgemental, slut-shaming comments I’ve received
“I am merely pointing out that Rebecca Eckler is not exactly new to penises, as she has written about her sexual dalliances quite openly. The fact that she slept with her current boyfriend on the first date suggests that she’s better acquainted with the penis than this article would have you believe.”
“Yet another fine example of how you’re such an ignorant parasite on this planet.”
“Eckler is a real piece of work. I think she’s just trying to justify her poor choices and make herself feel better, by hating on people that actually have LEGITIMATE children with their LEGAL spouses.”
“Was this column meant to make me feel anything other than the need to punch you in the head and scream LOSER at you?”
“She's the one who spread her legs and brought babies into this world.”
“Moms who truly want to be moms don’t take vacations, nor feel they need a vacation from their children. A real mother wouldn’t want to miss a minute. Being a mom literally means no vacations from your kids. That’s pretty much the point of being a parent.”
“You should have kept your legs shut.”
“I think Eckler might be special needs and they are forced to let her write, just like Walmart is forced to allow special needs people to work as greeters. That was really rude of me. It’s insulting to the special needs people to put Rebecca Eckler on their level.”
"This woman is seriously mentally ill, and doing damage to her children. She needs help...I’d be seriously concerned about having my kids in her orbit.”
“I think it’s sad that you would not be in the mood [for sex] and tell your fiancé that he can fuck you and do all the work.”
“I am a male reader. I got snipped because I don't want kids. If I were your husband, I would tell you to go to the beach with a sledgehammer and pound sand up your ass.”
“You can’t be engaged to someone who’s married. They are just separated. Not actually divorced. So what if they don’t live together anymore. You're still his mistress.”
“You are a stupid bitch. Get off your fucking mastodon and quit griping that people are the inter webs aren’t nice enough for you. Cunt. How’s THAT for inappropriate? I’m not sharing whether I have kids because I certainly don't give a fuck about yours. Now you can go back to sucking the dick of that mastodon.”
“Asking your friends about their sex lives isn’t exactly classy. And making people who don't have the same sex drive that you do feel as if something is wrong with their relationship? Not classy either.”
“You’re pathetic! You think you're something special because you’re a single mom.”
“It took your kid five days to learn how to ride a bike? Forget any other kind of lessons; shell out for developmental disability testing.”
“Surprise. Surprise. Rebecca Eckler had C-sections. Allow us to marvel in her amazing mothering skills.”
“She resorts to using the f-word in the second sentence of this article. She uses it liberally in other pieces too. A writer who resorts to such words in a published piece like uses the word all the time at home. Disgusting!”
“Rebecca Eckler is a nasty, arrogant, passive-aggressive mean girl. She’s the girl you went to school with who everyone hated, but was so intimating that no one questioned her self-proclaimed Most Popular Girl in School title.”
"One wonders if Casey Anthony’s mom had the same philosophy of raising her children.”
“Unlike you, I have a mind of my own and I don't care what others think. I don't spend my time trying to please other people. If you were confident and secure in yourself, it wouldn’t matter. But you are retarded.”
“Her daughter is going to be one of those girls who probably is too pretty to do algebra.”
“Ms. Eckler, are you feeling insecure about your relationship and how you think people view and/or aforementioned relationship? That was my general impression after reading this. You should be insecure. Slut.”
“Congratulations for being an entitled, ignorant woman, who has no concept of what 99 percent of the world goes through every day.”
“Definition of Ms. Eckler: Ignorant. May the Lord have mercy on her and her children.”
“What a disgusting woman you are. You needed sperm so bad, you banged him three days after his reverse-vasectomy. You’re a total whore. Plain and simple.”
"I hope you die in a plane crash. Women like you need to be put in their place. Women with your, ahem, experience with men that is. Most women will wait for the right man before sleeping with any other guy. ”
___
So, yes, I don't find these comments hilarious anymore. Because this is what happens to the world when women don't support other women.
But…here is one sane comment from an American woman that should be the threshold when it comes to online commentaries: “I generally don't like Ms. Eckler’s posts, and I choose not to read them, because we have differing opinions. This does not make her a bad person in any way. Yes, most of her writing and articles you can spot a mile off, so if you know you're not going to like it, don't read it. Don't waste your time reading something that will anger you, and then waste more time writing vitriolic responses. Do something better with your time. Details of Ms. Eckler’s romantic relationships and love life have nothing to do with this article she wrote at all. That's like saying that you don’t respect a scientist's discoveries or a politician’s ideas because you heard they had sex on a first date — plain ridiculous.”
Until next time, flip your hair and flip the page! (And ladies, don’t hesitate to re:ach out if you need re:al woman-to-woman support here. I will welcome you with open arms…and “spread legs.”)
xoxo,
Rebecca